do me a favor and pull that trigger, baby.

there comes a low point in life .. one that's stubbornly rooted and one that refuses to emancipate you, leaving you the prisoner floundering helplessly and hopelessly in the deep end of the pool. who can dive in and haul you back to safety grounds of happiness or for others - back to a mere facade of our porcelain smiles and nonexistent pleasures? these invisible weights tied to these slumped shoulders of mine are incapable of being levied off, and these burdens and questions ricocheting in this puny brain of mine refuse to retrieve to their home bases. i find no comfort in anything, only in the momentary self-indulgences in life. i excel in nothing. i possess nothing of significant value. pushed beyond belief by this "director" of my so-called life, i find no purpose in the things i mull over everyday. seven o'clock i arrive at those bleak halls, prepared to aimlessly shoot for volatile aims and uncertainties. i am not possessed by the pure evil of pessimism because i do see the ever-twinkling photons of light glazing afar. however as i yearn and tippy-toe in search of such paradise, i find myself once again lashed by some impeding force. once again i find myself building my walls of defense, my wounded pride. beaten once more, i am struggling to stand again. yes, i stumble. i fall. and i fall hard.

i do want to believe that there's something more to this. i can't deny it because i do .. this self-restraining order is unbelievably hard. im probably just waiting for it to backfire and kick me in the face.
and yet again believing in Him is even harder. can You give me a sign?

go away, World. or rather - i'll go away.